we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize