How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
