My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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