I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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