If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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