I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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