So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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