Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
