cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
