do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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