yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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