I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
