I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize