I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
