Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
