My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Terrible idea I love it
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
