do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize