make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
As shirtless as possible
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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