you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
