I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My vagina is very pro this idea
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
