Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Randomize
