I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
