I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
