i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
