I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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