oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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