Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
