What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
