I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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