he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you didnt know i had herpes?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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