I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
