i don't like sucking hair
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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