Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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