remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
