so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
