Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
