my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
