Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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