Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
