yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
