There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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