Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
