don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize