go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
