I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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