i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
