I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
