You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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