I can tuck mytits in my pants
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Someone signed my nipple.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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