No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
