wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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