how can u be prego again
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
