Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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