I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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