My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
