I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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