who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
