dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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