Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
