I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
