Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
