you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
