I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
