Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
