Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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