erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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