I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
