My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize