I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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