Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
