You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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