Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
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