What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We're too hungover to prance.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
