how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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