did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
