Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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