I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
