Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize