just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
