There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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