You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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