he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
