Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
