to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Randomize
