Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
