You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
