I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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