i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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