guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
it's not cheating when I paid for it
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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