yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
